All I see around me lately are my good friends and family having babies and I am seriously wanting another baby.

A little back story, after having Easy I made the rash, uneducated decision to have my tubes tied, because I thought that if I didn’t then that would be selfish and not fair to have two children before having Easy, placing Easy for adoption then going and having more kids, but now that I think about it….I really wish I wouldn’t have made that decision.

I have been regretting it for about a year now. I sit in bed at night and find myself crying and overwhelmed with anxiety about this. Trent and I have talked about it and he always tells me we are going to have another baby, we just have to find a way to pay to get the reversal done. I also have been suffering from PTLS (Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome) which keeps me up all night, has made my weight gain inevitable, has made me depressed/hyper and all these things meshed into one. I feel like I wasn’t educated enough by my doctor on what all of this meant. And now I am in full on WANT a baby mode.

Now, I don’t want a baby just to have one, nor do I think it will fix these problems, I want a baby because I have so much love to give, and I know that we are ready at this time to have another baby. I know that it will be rough to get everything around but I still have these emotions, I still have that little voice inside my head saying “baby baby baby”. And I see so many people having babies and really it makes me just want ONE more. I would love for Trent and I to have a baby, that when we are in the hospital that the baby tag says “Baby Sappingfield”, because I know that it will light up his heart. I guess I’m just really sad.

I know that the time will come but I’m definitely doing my research.

I’m just so emotional because I really miss Easy, and I just want to hold him…my babies are growing up so much right now and they don’t need me as much as they used to. And Kaelyn is going to be 5 in 2 weeks so that really is freaking me out.