For all my readers may it be 1 or even 100 this blog is really just to let you in for a little piece of me and to let you in on things and pieces of me that you may not know or you may not even care about but it’s a part of my “bi-polar” blogging thing that I’m doing and it’s easy for me to talk about myself but usually it’s not easy to talk about stuff in my personal life so this is definitely a challenge!

I guess the most personal that I can really let out on this blog that I feel comfortable with complete strangers and even family or friends reading, is the fact that when I was 5 years old my dad left me and my mom. And still to this day I kind of resent him for it.

All the time growing up I grew up with my mom, and when I was around 6 or 7 I was introduced to my step dad, and I love him like he’s my own father, but believe me that’s not how it has always been believe me, but I cared and saw him as my father, more than I saw my step mom as a mom. But that really is because my step mom never treated me like a daughter she always treated me like an outcast. So I grew up despising my step mother and still to this day, excuse my language, but I hate the bitch. I seriously think she’s the C word, with a big CAPITOL C! And I hate saying that but for me if she fell off the face of the earth into a black hole I wouldn’t really care….sad I know, but for me as a child I thought my dad ABANDONED me for her and he chose HER and HER family over me. But again this all leads up to my point I guess.

I suffer from major abandonment issues and I am very protective of my family as well as how my kids are treated by family members. I want my kids to all be treated equally, and treated fairly by family members. For example, Kaelyn’s biological dad was married this past June and her step mom has been in her life since her bio dad decided to be around, and I see the way that she treats Kaelyn and I appreciate it because she treats her as if she were her own and that’s what makes me happy because my step mom never did that.

But where there is a bright shiny sun comes a dark cloud…I sometimes feel that my kids are treated differently by some family members and that really pisses me off. I’m sorry but it is UNFAIR to treat other nieces, nephews, or grandkids like they have sun shining out of their asses and treating my kids like they mean nothing. That is why I’m grateful for my parents because even if they live 4 hours away they MAKE THE TIME AND EFFORT to ask about and to spend time with the kids come rain, shine, hell or high water. And I guess that’s another thing I resent is that not all family members are like that and that just makes me upset.

With me I guess all of my resentment and anger falls back on the fact that my dad left me and my step mom treated me like crap, so I want better for my family. I don’t want my kids to be around people that play favorites or who favor a child because they feel sorry for them and their home life. It just makes me sick.

I wish I could say that I was fixable but in all actuality I’m not. I would love to say that there was something that could fix it all…but really I have to fix this for myself and I have to do what I have to do to protect my children from things that I went through as a kid.

So parents, while you sit and go out, and you leave your children with people you barely know, or mothers and fathers if your relationship is falling apart and your children are caught in the middle do everything you can to explain to them that you aren’t leaving THEM you are leaving the situation. And protect your children from people that are new in either your dating life, or the other parents’ dating life. Because introducing a child to multiple people may be good for you but think about how that is affecting your child and yourself.

Well this was enlightening!

-myinnerfight-

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