As my title includes I just want to scream STOP! I want the world to pause, rewind and I want to take a step back And evaluate life for just a split second without it kicking my ass every time I turn around. I want people to STOP asking me what I plan to do about our current state. I want people to STOP acting like their life is so horrible when really in all actuality their life is peachy king compared to ours.

To clarify, I’m tired of being asked the same question about what we are going to do about our living situation if we can’t pay towards our rent which we are behind on. Because as much as I would love to say that we have a plan…we don’t and I have no freaking idea what we are going to do…at this point I am thinking about the worst and planning on being homeless. There is no one to blame but ourselves for the situation that we are in, but hindsight is 20/20 and if we could go back in time I’m sure there are 788937 things we would like to change and fix. But we can’t do that so what we have to focus on is the present. But continually asking me what our plans are doesn’t help the fact that I’m being continually reminded of what a complete and udder failure I am I don’t exactly see why reminding me of these things helps us any.

I want people to STOP complaining about how horrible their life is when they are able to pay their bills, able to save money and the only worries they have pale in comparison to ours. I don’t understand why people want to continually rub in our faces every chance they get about certain things. That doesn’t help our situation either.

I am not one to ask for help, because I don’t want to be a burden on someone and I don’t want someone to be breathing down my neck about when they are going to get a payback, because then I’m in the same predicament.

I feel like every time we get 5 steps ahead something comes up that sends us 20 steps back and then it’s a fight to stay afloat. We are drowning in this pool and there is no one else to blame but ourselves, but if for one second people could just stop and think before they speak my life would be so much easier. Look at your life, do a pros and cons chart and seriously tell me if your cons outweigh your pros, because maybe just maybe then you’d understand where we are coming from.

I called Alorica today to see if I had been rehired and I was told no, but that in 6 months I could reapply and try again. And sometimes I just want to vent, and being reminded that I don’t have that job doesn’t help me. It only makes matters worse. I just wish I could stop time and just rewind and know then what I know now so I can’t or won’t make the same financial mistakes and blunders.

Ugh I just had to get that off my chest.

Time for a nap, it will make me feel better to forget this week at least for a couple of hours.