I have been needing to write a blog for some time, but because we have no Internet I’ve been weary of writing it all through my phone, weary of getting carpel tunnel, but remembered after I’m done writing this I could seriously win a worlds fastest texter award or something :).

I want to say something first and foremost before I start getting into this blog. 1: this will most likely be long, so if you are going to start reading it be sure that you can finish it I don’t need any miscommunications. 2: I may hurt peoples feelings and I’m sorry but I can’t help it because these are my feelings and I need to vent. 3: if your feelings get hurt then it’s obvious you feel you did something wrong, because I’m not mentioning any names and I’ll mostly be generalizing.

::So these last couple of months have been a whirlwind of events and happenings that have kept me in a bind and a disturbed little wreck in my head and I haven’t been able to put it all together until recently. But I’ve been piecing together my feelings and my emotions to come up with a consensus.::

I have realized that I have given my life to being with Trent and to being by his side through thick and thin. I moved away from my family and came here to be with my husband. I have done everything that I could as a wife because that’s what I am supposed to do. For better or for worse and that’s what I’m planning on doing. But sometimes in every human being there is a point where the worse in others takes it’s toll. What I’m trying to say is that I have given his family the best of me and I’ve given them 4 years of my life to be with Trent. But sometimes I’m starting to feel that it’s time to stop. Some of them have treated me so well and some of them not so much. And I’ve had my breaking point with things and I can’t take it anymore.

Trent and I have had so many late night pillow talks about what is best for US and for OUR life and OUR future and every single time it comes to the conclusion that the reason for us staying here is because of how his family feels or how they would feel if we moved…and this is what I’ve had to say about it every single time…IT’S NOT ABOUT THEM..IT’S ABOUT US AND OUR FAMILY. I’m at my breaking point, because I don’t care if people would be upset or sad or hurt if we chose to move farther away then THEY WANT. Because this is OUR marriage and OUR future. I am married to Trent and he is married to me so how other people feel about things doesn’t matter because at the end of the day we live together, we take care of each other and we are the ones that have to deal with every aspect of our futures…not you.

Here’s a reality check for all of you, my husband rarely shows emotions and rarely says anything about missing his family and rarely states that it would affect him, and when we’ve sat down and had many talks and he has flat out told me that it isn’t about what others feel or think because they aren’t in our relationship. So for future reference I don’t want to hear about how YOU feel and how it will affect you and your feelings because in the end this is OUR life and OUR journey not yours so please leave the sappy crap to yourselves.

I’m not going to be apologetic about these feelings because they have been eating away at me and it’s been driving me insane so if this hurts you then I can’t help it because my family is what means the most to me and they come first and foremost before anyone or anything else. So if we wanted to move 50 or 500 miles away that is our prerogative to do so and I don’t need any other opinions on the matter.

On to a lighter note: Trent is in the running for a job that I really hope works out because it would mean a steady paycheck and a chance for me to work as well even though we only have one vehicle. And I also have to wait just one more week until I find out if I have been rehired on at Alorica or not and if I do then I will be completely ecstatic. Because if both Trent and I got these jobs then that’s 2 steady paychecks and we could be out of this financial slump in literally 6 months, and have a new change of scenery and I absolutely can not wait for that! It’s been a long time coming that’s for sure.

On an even lighter note I’m so excited that on August 20 we are getting our family pictures taken 🙂 professionally!

Those are all the thoughts that I have for now…if I have any more I’m sure I’ll find time to write about them. This blogging session has been very helpful for me.

:my inner fight: