I don’t know how words could really sum up how BLESSED beyond belief that I really am. So, I will try my best to not make this all jumbled and a bunch of non-sense…but good luck with that one! LOL.

First off I have some major Thank You’s that I need to put out there.

1) Pastor Scot: Thank you for the AMAZING sermon tonight. I knew there was a reason for us being there, and when you read from Ezra, I just knew that I was MEANT to be there and that God was speaking to me like never before.

2) Ashlee (&Brent too): Thank you for inviting us to come with you tonight. You really have no idea how amazing it was and how much it meant to me. I’m not sure about Trent since the Colts were playing but he did tell me that he knew that he was supposed to be there and that when Scot was speaking it moved him. It was nice to be able to sit there with you as a family knowing that we were in God’s presence and that he meant for us to be there WITH YOU guys. And it did feel like he was speaking to us. And like you said he couldn’t have said it any better than if he would’ve said “Listen up Sappingfields”.  God will speak to us as long as we are willing to listen. And man was I listening tonight.

3) God: I won’t write out every single thank you that I have for you but Thank you for leading me into your house tonight to feel your presence, your warmth, and your hope. (I will write/talk to you later 🙂 )

So, tonight was pretty much AMAZING. I cannot believe how blessed I truly am. That I was able to sit in the same house and the same worship as my brother and sister in law. Knowing that it was the place that I was meant to be at.  Scot spoke from 2 different books Matthew and Ezra. When he was speaking from Matthew he talked about mourning, and how we mourn for a lot of things. We mourn about death, family situation, employment situations etc. And it made me think, wow I really do mourn about the smallest things in life such as “well this didn’t go my way “woe is me”  (my mourning)” as well as I have mourned the loss of a child. He started speaking about how we will be “blessed when we mourn not only for death but for our sins and the sins of others”, and that truly spoke to me. And once he started to read from Ezra, it was over. I knew that I had found my place, that I had been guided faithfully by God to be in this moment, at this place, and that I was meant to hear Him speak. He was speaking to me as if I had been there all along, I was just finally willing to listen.

When he was speaking about the book Ezra he said something that stood out to me more than anything. “Our sins have caused us humiliation in front of God, and other people.” and I seriously thought “He couldn’t be saying this any clearer unless he threw up his arms and YELLED “ALICIA OPEN YOUR EYES”. My sins have caused many people pain and caused my own self humiliation. I have humiliated myself, my family, and my friends. And of course he ended that statement with “Take responsibility for your own actions”. Because I used to blame everyone else for the way that I was feeling or the actions that I took. And now, I have realized that it is not anyone else’s fault but my own. I knew it felt right because I stepped up this past week and took responsibility for my actions and my humiliation of myself and the humiliation that I have placed on my family.

What I also took from tonight is that God will bless us, comfort us, and love us no matter what we do as long as we make confession and do his will. If we repent and confess our sins that he will be there for us. “When we sin against God we break/cheat on our covenant and  He has all right to Divorce us but He doesn’t”. God doesn’t punish us for our sins the way that we normally think of punishment. He knows that we know we are in the wrong, and the guilt and overwhelming weight that our sins put on us are punishment enough. But He will be there to bless us and comfort us when we are willing to listen to Him.

So, during communion while everyone was walking down to get theirs, and to pray at the alter, I stayed in my seat, because at that time I needed my own time to pray to Him, without people around me or crowded, so during my prayer I feel like all my sins were washed away and this emotion came out of me. I was crying, not because I was sad, but because I was releasing all of these pent up emotions and pouring my heart out to God.

Sorry that I went on a total sermon overload but I had to make sure that I wrote it all down and still let Him know how grateful I am for Him speaking to me and making it so clear. I felt SO welcomed by ALL.

Ok, so as I was “googling” a picture because I didn’t think that I could take a picture of one that would do any justice for my feelings about tonight, but thanks to Google I feel like I have  found my life verse…I feel as if it speaks to me and I knew again, that God was speaking to me that he wanted me to find this verse.  So I highlighted it in my bible and took a picture of it..

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears” -Psalm 34:4

I hope that you all had a wonderful Sunday and that you feel everyday as blessed as I do.

-My inner fight-

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